I was blessed to be at my sisters wedding. I love this lady. She was my first friend and one of the very best sisters!! I have always looked up to her. It was an honor to get to help her and be with her on this most important and precious day. I got to help her get ready and take pictures for her and do the cake and cupcakes. As the little sister I feel like I need help a lot and so it made my heart full for me to be able to be there for her. And then my help ended up not being so helpful. This picture is one of maybe 6 that remain from the 200+ I took of them at the temple. We really are not sure what happened but somewhere in the downloading process the files were all corrupted. They are gone.
I am usually very good at keeping my stuff together until I am home and with my husband. Usually that is when the tears come. But while at my Dad and Moms, I cried. The kind that is deep and long and you can’t seem to stop. I felt horrible. I was so excited about the amazing clouds that were their that day and I was so grateful I could give this to my sister. She has been through some hard things and to be able to offer her this gift was going to be a source of pride and joy for me….
It took me over a week and a half to even look at the few that remain. And when I did, I cried, again. My sister-friend (my sister-in-law who is more then a sister and more then a friend) Sarah shared with me some strategies to overcome what she calls sabotage. Basically, I took a long hard look at why I let myself get so upset when difficult things come my way.
I believe very strongly that we are meant to find joy in this life journey. Even when and often inspite of our trials. But believing that and applying it are two entirely different things. Often I find myself thriving in this concept and then something “real” happens and I have allowed myself to get down and sometimes even not-want-to-get-out-of-bed-depressed.
Elder Ucthdorf gave an amazing talk awhile back. It was titled Come, join with us click here to go read it. When I first read it I actually didn’t relate much to it. I feel vary solid in my faith. I believe I was born with a believing heart and so doubting my beliefs was not something I was concerned with in my life.
But then a man in my church gave a talk that got my mind thinking differently about the phrase Doubt your Doubts. I started to really ponder on what exactly doubt meant to me. I realized doubt also means fear, stress, worry, anxiety etc. So when I read doubt my fear, doubt my stress or doubt my worry it takes on a new meaning. When I am feeling those negative emotions I am to take that as a cue to doubt them. Are they real and valid? Is the fear or worry serving me or hiring me.
So then I started to wonder, what is the opposite of doubt? Faith, trust, security, peace, relaxed. If I am to doubt my worries and stress then I need to embrace, no cling to my faith, and my trust that with God all things are possible. Like in Proverbs 3:7 Trust the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. Let Him carry my doubts and replace it with faith and peace.
Then taking this even farther I began to think if we should doubt our doubts what should we do? Instead of fearing how things might be or stressing what I can’t control I can hope that things will work out. I can hope that peace will come and I can hope that through my Savior I can be more then I can on my own.
My motto now is
Doubt your doubts (and fears)
Cling to your faith
And Hope your Hopes
And when I can’t quiet see the hope and peace trust in my Saviors hope and peace.