…or will lead to some hard things in my future. What do I mean by that? I will get to there.
EmmaLee and Jacob and I got to run away to Utah. I was going to Women’s Conference at BYU and they were going to play with their cousins who had recently moved there. On Tuesday we took our time driving up to my mom’s in Vegas. We stopped to eat and shop and even to get a haircut. It was a mellow drive and it was nice to get to spend some one on one time with these adorable people!
I decided I would rather break the trip up into two days since I seem to get tired when driving. It was good to get to spend a little time with my dad before we headed up to Provo area. My Mom and I picked up my Sister Laura at her work and we headed out. I just adore these two women. I think they have no idea the impact they have had on my life. My Mom listens to and loves me not matter what and always makes me feel like I am something special. And Laura is really one of my best friends and I know she will love me no matter how annoying or complainy I get.
We stopped at Downeast and I think we were there for over an hour. Not so fun for the littles but I love shopping with my sister. Even if she can out shop me every time.
Then Thursday and Friday we went to the conference. I had not even looked at the classes until the night before and I had no idea which ones to go to. Some years I have really stressed about it and other years I just went with my mom or sister. This year I really made it a matter of prayer and I was so grateful for the inspiration I received. I went to classes I would not have chosen on my own and I learned exactly what I needed to learn.
The over all message for me was to stop fearing. That when God asks me to do something to trust He will give me the ability and know how to get it done. That does not mean I need to see the path before me, in fact most times I won’t. I am reminded to do as Nephi did and be “led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do. Nevertheless I went forth…”
Sometimes I see my failings so clearly before me that I become paralyzed when I am asked to do hard things, not horrible or painful things, just hard. Like the way I feel about writing. I feel so under qualified and I wonder why. At times I let that stop me and I allow the adversary to trick me into all kinds of justifications.
And what a blessing for me to get to be with these wonderful women.
Thursday night Jacob woke up in the middle of the night very upset. He had a bad dream and joined me in bed. It took him a while to fall back asleep and he had a restless night. I was so frustrated because I was so tired. I remember praying and asking Heavenly Father to make Jacob sleep. I was upset because I knew I didn’t do well on little sleep and I really hadn’t had enough the whole trip.
Friday morning when I looked over the classes I realized I needed to go to a class i had no interest in the day before. It was how to deal when life doesn’t go the way you have planned. I felt so impressed that I needed to go to that class. Had Jacob not had a rough night I would never have thought of going to that class. And that class was the one that impressed me the very most.
I remember walking out of their with a huge lump in my throat because I was so close to sobbing. I took a couple minutes to walk around and take in the immense spirit I was feeling. I felt as though the Holy Ghost was walking beside me assuring me I can do whatever is asked of me.
One of the ladies who spoke had a very rough life. It seemed as though she had one big challenge after another. It was very moving to hear how she was able to rely on the Savior amongst the hardest things. She had a daughter run over by a car, She later had cancer, she dealt with infertility for years and years. She finally had a boy amongst all odds and then he had aspergers, He eventually committed suicide.
Her example was so powerful and one I will not forget. The impression that overwhelmed me was that I was being asked to do things that would yield instant and very positive results, writing is what I was thinking at the time, and yet I was kicking at the pricks. I knew that if I could learn to submit my will to His I would receive instant blessings and I would be surprised at the person God would have me become. I am reminded of the poem by CS Lewis about the house. It is one I read when we were newer married and it has stayed with me.
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
I wonder why I am so content to be that small little cottage when I know He wants to make me into so much more?
Saturday was my birthday and we were blessed to get to go to my nieces baptism while we were there. Then we quickly headed home since I knew it would be a long drive. I felt like I was glowing still from the powerful spirit that had encompassed me for the last couple of days. My sweet mom offered to take me out to dinner for my birthday and we decided to stop in St George. Pizza factory sounded really good for some reason and it truly was. I had a veggie pizza with no cheese and a great side salad. Seriously yummy.
While we were there I remember that the St George Marathon Lottery deadline was coming up. I have put my name in several times in the past and I have never been selected. I knew I was supposed to try as soon as I got home and I felt this quiet assurance that I was going to get in. Laura told me she would come cheer me on and I felt excited to think I would run a marathon.
I have tried twice now and both times I have gotten to really far in my training but then I hurt my knee and had to stop training so I could recover. Both times I just picked a marathon that was pretty close to me and not exactly the best one. What I mean is they fit in my time line and were not places that it would be neat to run for hours and hours.
And both of those times I had big ambitions for my time. This time around I realized I just wanted to finish. Really. If that meant I would have to walk half of it I was willing to do that.
My biggest problem, I have been slacking off in my running and my runs have gotten shorter and progressively more difficult for me. I got my name into the lottery just days before the deadline which was good because then I didn’t have to wait long for the results.
But man on man I can not tell you who many times I checked the website Monday. I knew they were supposed to post the results at some point in the day but I had no idea what time. I looked and looked and looked until they finally had the results.
Once I saw my name on the list I started to cry and not a happy cry. I was so overwhelmed with my inability. I had no idea how I was going to do it just that I was inspired to go forward with it.
I felt scared and nervous and not ready to make that kind of crazy commitment. I got on my knees and poured out my heart to my Father. And then a few things happened to once again remind me Heavenly Father is watching over me. I text Laura and she told me not to be nervous and that I was going to do better then I thought. That was exactly what I needed to hear.
The night before Ryan, Sarah and I were talking about doing hard things and Sarah said, ‘Like running a marathon” and that was brought back to my mind while I was feeling so scared. Her faith helped me as well.
Jared had family home evening that night and his lesson was on prayer. He choose this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIrGKB5nRKE. He did not know how overwhelmed I was feeling. He had no idea this video was something I had watched years ago and was part of the reason I felt so inspired to run a marathon some day.
The next day I remembered a vision board I had made over 6 years ago. On it I had doctored a picture to look like me crossing the finish line at the St George Marathon. I wish I had kept that because I would love to see it now.
The day I found out about the Marathon was also the day I had started a new get healthy program with some friends http://www.sixsistersstuff.com/2012/01/8-week-printable-weight-loss-get.html.
It is a simple program that keeps you accountable to your friends and it doesn’t hurt that there is a cash prize for the winners. I am slightly competitive and I just felt like this was the jump start I needed. I have been trying to eat healthy since January and I kept starting and stopping and I am ready to finally feel good. How perfect that my marathon training started the same day as my healthy eating challenge.
What is also amazing and wonderful is that Ryan found this exercise program he wanted to start and his plan was to start the same day as me. This is a big deal because during our whole married life he has never wanted to do anything like this and the fact that we are going to be focusing on getting healthier together is such a huge blessing to me.