This guy



I realized today that my days with just him and I will be gone Friday. This makes me so sad. I love my little people. Even if sometimes I need a break or stay in the bathroom longer then needed just for a quiet moment. I really do like being around them.

And lately he has really discovered his voice. He has an opinion about everything and he tells me stories all day long. Today he declared that an evil half duck half scorpion was chasing us but not to worry because they couldn’t get into our car.

Everywhere we go he tells me about his world. My life will be a sad quiet place when they all start school in August. So this summer we are going to explore our new area together. Even if we have to get up at 6 to beat the heat. I want all the time they will give me to be together.

In two years Jared will leave on a mission and my home will never be the same.

Lessons from a dog


This is Walter. He is the happiest dog ever. If he wants something he makes it very clear what that is. But most of the time he is pretty content doing whatever is going on. If he wants love he comes and asks for it. If you don’t want to give it he comes back later. His feelings are never hurt and he doesn’t get upset that things don’t go the way he had planned.

Our other dog Betty has been limping for a couple days now. She doesn’t complain. She just finds other ways to do what she wants/needs. For some reason that really struck me today. I want to be more go with the flow. Something goes wrong, that’s ok. Let’s find a new way to do things. A different way or different path. No complaints just “let’s do this.”

So thanks doggies for that.

Desert girl… Maybe one step closer

I have always thought of myself as a California girl. All the times we have moved that was home. I loved that I could wear shorts all year round and that everything was green and beautiful most of the year.
When we lived in St George my friend Demeree would always tell me how much she loved the desert and I never could understand why someone would prefer the wasteland to the tropical beauty of Southern California.

But I can feel my heart changing. The sun has just set and I am starting to love the feel of the wind blowing as I sit outside in 93 degree weather. Enjoying the natural coolness after the heat of this day.



I love that I can run early in the morning and enjoy this as my view.


I am loving that we have all made friends so easily and quickly and there are so many amazing women whom I can’t wait to get to know even better. The kids have adapted even better then I could have hoped. We have kids just down the street who also go to our church and the boys are loving playing outside. They don’t mind the heat as much as I seem to.

Having the pool has been so amazing. We swim most everyday and it has been a good time for me to step away from the to do list and just relax. Sometimes I swim. But most the time it’s still to cold for me and I just get to enjoy them playing. I love that lots.



But there are hard things too. Like Ryan and Jared not being with us all the time. That’s the worst. Once they are here full time these things will be the worst.




I am actually pretty scared of these three things. Rattlesnakes, scorpions and a javelina which I didn’t even know existed until yesterday. I guess the are harmless unless you come upon them. They will chase you. Awesome.

Back to things I love. Their is a farmers market every Thursday just a couple minutes from my house. It is not huge but what they do have I am loving. Some produce, not a ton but what they have is good. Salsa. Fresh jam, honey and homemade bread. This last time I bought peanuts and made my own peanut butter. Amazing if I do say so.


Not sure why I have never made my own peanut butter considering how much I love it. I’m going to try it with coconut oil next time. Yum.

Because of the heat we have not explored the hiking options but I am looking forward to exploring the nature. And the stars. You can actually see them here. The streets don’t have street lights and the nights are very dark. I love that.

And the elementary school is across the street. Granted it’s the back of the school and we have to walk around but it only takes about 4 minutes to walk and maybe 1 to ride a bike. The youngers love that. School starts earlier here for them. 7:45. Which is great for my early risers. Not so good is that the jr high doesn’t start till 9 which means they get out at 4. I wish Sarah got home sooner. High school has relapse time seminary which means that next year Jared and Sarah don’t have to be to school till 8:20 instead of 6:20. That will be awesome.


Another wonderful blessing is that I get to serve and teach the 14-15 year old girls at church. And this group of girls seems so on it. I could only wish that I was so strong as them. And the seem to really understand the gospel already. Amazing youth are coming our of this generation.

Ryan and Jared got to come earlier because of the horrible fires and school being canceled. I was a little obsessive over reading about the fires and I am glad to hear most people are back in their homes.

While they were here the boys all went to the fathers and sons camp out. Here are the pictures they sent me.







They looked like they had a great time.

While they were gone this is what we did.


And shopping for promotion dresses which we finally found!! Yay for that!

The movie was so great. Mom’s Night Out. It was very relatable for me. In the past I have really struggled with perfectionism. I have come a very long way and this movie helped me to see that. My favorite scene was when a big bad biker dude gives the stressed out mom perfect advice. Summed up “just be the kind of mom you were meant to be. Don’t compare to anyone else’s mothering.” I’m sure that is not what he really said but that’s what I heard.

Another line I loved was that no one is happy all the time. That’s not real.
Sometimes I wish I could be my best self always. Like every single minute but I’m not and that’s ok. That’s real.

And speaking of real, I’m still human. I still have bad days and our house still gets messy and I don’t always want to make dinner. But I am starting to see how I could become an Arizona girl…some day… Sooner then I expected


I believe that sometimes our subconscious speaks to through dreams. For me it only happens occasionally but when it does I usually know.

Lately my dreams have been about babies. At first it was about having babies and caring for babies. Then amid all my stress and worry about moving my dreams changed and were then about dying babies. It seems so weird unless one understands dreams.

Babies symbolize new beginning. Which is exactly what I feel with this move to Arizona. With my therapy coming to a close I feel like a new woman. I feel like this move came at the perfect time. I’m ready to go to Arizona and be my best self. A self no one else will expect to be anything different. The true me that was hidden inside under baggage and pain.

The real me gets a chance to emerge into her true self. And I could not be more thrilled about rediscovering me again.

But then the stress of moving became so great and all encompassing I lost myself for a minute. Which is why the dreams changed. I began to forget the excitement that awaits me. The thrill of a new adventure.

But then I went to lego land with my dear friend Weezy. She has no idea how much I respect her and value her. She is so solid in her faith and we could always have amazing conversations. The kids played while she feed my soul and reminded me who I am. That this moving is temporary and I will soon be able to grow my roots deep down in the earth and glorious fruits will be the result.

Then I had the sweetest dream about a delightful happy smiley baby. She warmed my heart in my dream. And I woke up excited again. And then last night my dream was about being at an international wedding and the second I woke up I knew the dream meant much the same. Weddings are about new beginnings as well. I felt like their is something wonderful I will get to be apart of. And I need to be in Arizona to do that.

I feel like Heavenly Father keeps reminding me of the good that’s coming so that I can handle all the craziness of moving.


A whole lots been going on around here. Our house is almost all packed up. Even with sickness we are still getting it done. The show must go on as they say.

We have been able to do a few fun things amid the crazy. Bonfire with the neighbor boys. Birthday party for Sarah. Volleyball games for Jared. Diorama for Joseph. Sarah and I singing in church. (Boy was I nervous for that one.) and more packing then I could care to do. I am read for the adventure of moving to be over and I’m excited to start our new life in the warm desert.

Things I’m looking forward to:
Amazing sunsets
Monsoon season. I love thunder and lightening
New friends
New ward
New callings
New home with school across the street
Our own pool
Summer in a new city
Air conditioning
New adventure

Things I’m sad about:
Leaving my yw and my calling
Leaving my family
Leaving a ward with friends that feel like family
Leaving our neighbors the Madsen’s
Being apart from Ryan, Jared and Sarah for 7 weeks
Leaving the beach and the beautiful weather










Some days just come at you. You feel like you have it all together one moment then the next you well… Just don’t. Jacob had a tough night last night with croup. Ryan had to wake up at 4 for his flight to Dallas and my back was so achy from all the packing and moving stuff I had a hard time sleeping. Then josh woke up with pain in his neck. We have had someone sick in our house for a long time. Over a month now. I’m ready for health.

But the problem is I was going to get so much done today. No time for sore back and sickies. I guess it was a blessing my credit card was replaced because of security concerns and I had to spend some time on the phone resetting up all my auto payments. And that I had got to set up service for the new place and stop service at the current place. It was good for me to rest my back.

But then I just couldn’t help myself and even though I felt like I should rest I instead made a huge mess by trying to organize and pack stuff. A HUGE mess I say. One I was going to clean up right after Sarah’s game.

And then just to add fun Sarah got a knee to the head while wrestling for the ball during her game and after 5+ hours we are finally home from the drs. Yay for my bed. To bad I have to wake Sarah up every two hours. Bah. She has a concussion. With symptoms of vomiting, blurred vision, numbness, shakes and massive headache. 20140326-225128.jpg
I do wonder why they didn’t give her this bowl first to throw up in. No they gave us this after she threw up in the tiny kidney shaped bowl and then all over the floor because the bowl was for the size of no one human. Seriously.

So I lay here next to my girl. I hear Jacob coughing in the other room and yet I still feel grateful it’s not something more. Grateful they are still alive to be hurt and get sick.

Here is to a new day tomorrow.

Swim lessons


We found a house we love. Well I found a house we love. Ryan likes the pictures and I’m hoping he will love it as much as I do. It does have a pool and a hot tub. Score!!

Today Jacob started swim lessons at callan swim school. They are so great. 4 days a week for 2 weeks and then I will feel comfortable with him being around a pool. There is a gate but he’s a smart kid and I believe he will have that gate figured out in days.

I’m starting to feel excited about moving. Sad a little still but the excitement is increasing.

Road trip

This whole time I thought our lease ran out in June. I thought I had until the end of the school year. Yesterday the landlord contacted us and let us know we have till may 1st. Ok. I can do this.
So today I’m heading to go find a house. Just Jacob and I. I can do this.
When I get back it’s time to get serious and pack my house. I always start out so ambitious and I’m hoping this time to pace myself and not get burned out before the job is done.


Real life

Last night we had two different end of the season basketball parties at our house.

We started the night with a party for Joseph’s team. We had dinner and everyone enjoyed chatting and talking about the season.
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Then Sarah’s team showed up and we enjoyed lots of dessert. It was fun to visit with the parents. They were a good group of people and I enjoyed having them all at our house.


It was interesting for me though to have people comment on my house. About how great it was and how clean and organized. I loved Ryan's response to that. He said "it only looks like this because we knew you were coming, normally it looks like we live here".